Fuck the fear

Fuck you fear

Fear rules me to my core
It drives my every move
Every decision
I even fear the decisions I make
It permeates through me
And oozes from my pores
It drives my successes and is behind all my failures

Fear drives all emotional responses
Makes me do things I wouldn’t do
Fills me with suspicion, pain and anxiety
Stops me from speaking, sharing or confiding
Fear of letting down
Fear of disappointing
Fear of loss
Actions born of this fear
Resonates in the most painful fear of all
Fear drives me forward and astray
I want love to be pure and carefree
Yet this fear boils up within me
I need to set me free
Let what be, be what is
Let what is just be free
I need to kick it out, evict this poison eating me
How can I be free with this poison devouring me?

All of these actions, all of these feelings
Don’t own me
They have taken control
They are at the wheel
Steering me in all the wrong directions
Sabotaging such good things
Fear blinds me and puts my body in motion
Begins the wheels turning filling with emotion
There I am below
Huddled a mess
Beaten and subdued
I am getting up and fighting back
Against you.
Fear

I can no longer allow you to rule
To take control and drive me on through
Push aside you poisonous fool
I am claiming back my life
Again I will be pure and true
I will fear not that which you tell me to
I will stand up and stand proud
With everything to loose
Here I am world take me as I am
I am fighting to be strong
Breaking through this fear
Reclaiming my life
The life full of laughter, sunshine and love
The life pure and simple
No longer fogged with mud
My fear can leave the same way it came
Quiet and sneaky
For I refuse to allow it to stay here
And break me.

Christmas Holidays

Normally I would say Christmas sucks. Shocked? Don't be. I have worked in the retail industry since I was 16 years old. Once I experienced my first Christmas in retail all my fantastic ideals of Christmas were shattered. A time of peace, well being and prosperity? I think not. Customers will not hesitate to rip a minimum wage sales clerk a new you know what if the establishment you work in has the NERVE to have run out of an advertised item. You know it is the 16 year old making $6.85 an hour that is directly responsible for you not getting your child the new "it" toy of the season. People are grumpy and pushy and just plain rude during this festive season. They want what they want and yesterday. Forget the kid that has been slaving for 14 days straight and over 90 hours, just to try to keep up with the shoppers who cant possibly find the time to put the merchandise back on the shelf where they found it. Nope in hurried times like these the floor will work just as well! And how dare that child even think there might be time in the customers busy schedule to utter a thank you for all the help they just provided. Not to mention by the time Christmas comes around you have spend 8+ hours a day 7 days a week since October listening to the same 8 song loop of Christmas music. By the time Christmas day rolls around and the public is kind enough to allow you to have a day off too, you are so tired and sick of Christmas and all its cheer all you want to do is sleep the day away. The last thing you want is to hear that 8 song loop of Christmas music at home. Bahhh Humbug.

The good news is my retail Christmas rein is now over. I am now working for an elevator company taking emergency calls, which means my Holidays can actually be holidays. Finally after 12 years I can sit back and enjoy a LITTLE Christmas music without tearing my hair out. For the first time in over a decade I was able to make plans (besides working) for the holidays. This year we were fortunate enough to spend the holidays in a beautiful Lakeside Chalet, hours curled up infront of a 4ft by 6ft fireplace, with good friends. It was quiet and I didnt get yelled at once. This year I couldnt care less if little Johnny is getting his Guitar Hero III for Christmas. No longer do I have to feel guilty for personally reuining some little kids Christmas wish. NO more merchandising then remerchandising the Christmas department 1000 times in a week. No more rushing, crying, screeming angry customers. Ahhhh aint life grand?

I think I will start a new holiday tradition. I think I will get as far away from the hustle of the city, avoid all of the shopping establishments and make sure where ever my girl and I end up for the holidays we can enjoy a nice glass of wine infront of a fireplace. What a glorious Christmas this one turned out to be. There is nothing better than spending the holidays curled up with the one you love, hands, feet and heart warm and comfortable.

I hope if anyone reads this you will remember next Christmas that those poor unfortunate souls slaving away in the retail store you are shopping in are tired, stressed and already sick of Christmas. And you will treat them with dignaty and respect, that you will put the items you deside not to buy back on the shelf where they belong and please please take the one second it takes to say thank you. It makes all the difference.

More...

I should be sleeping right now but instead I am enthralled in the world of photographs. Like all passions it can be difficult to find the appropriate time to engage in them, so often you loose sleep doing it. But it is all worth it in the end, its fun and relaxing and rewarding.

I desided to put my photos in boarders to highlight parts of the picture that I find interesting. Some are good and others eeeekkkk!!! Is that what you get for experimenting? Apparently.

Like this one for instance I wanted to highlight the yellow leaf slumped over the twig so I desided on a yellow boarder... And well you can see for yourself that yellow is just nasty on this picture! If anything it takes away from the image.... So it is back to the drawing board!

There I think we can all agree that the yellow has to go. What do you think?

Long time...

Well I have been MIA for almost two months, busy busy busy with real life stuff... But worry not I have been taking pictures along the way.

Lately I have been taking a lot of water shots with slow shutter speeds. I am trying to master the effect and well just having lots of fun playing.

This shot was taken at the Elora Gorge in Ontario. The grand river rips by at spots along the way through the gorge, These pictures with a slow shutter speed makes it look like the water is fast and smooth really the water is fast and rough. But I love the effect anyway.

I like that the colors beneath the rushing water came through on this image. I believe this was the place where I smacked my backside off a rock the last time I went tubing down the Grand River. Damn that hurt!This is a small hole in one of the rocks on the shore of the grand that a trickle of water was spilling over the rock.

The rise on the right of the frame is the kick up of the rapids.

Well thats all for today foalks I have more that I will post later. I hope you enjoy viewing them as much as I enjoyed taking them!

A second attempt

I desided to go back to the creek at sunset and see if I could get better lighting. When I got there I did indeed have better lighting however the water level had dropped dramatically. So I got completely different shots from the ones I took in the morning. I love the bottom left side of the image above and how the light makes the water look metalic.

For this shot I desided that I would take it with the water flowing away from the camera rather than with the water flowing toward the camera just to see what I would get... This is the result. The top middle portion of the picture is a pool of water with the reflection of the surrounding trees in it.

I love this one! I love the light and the shadow and simply the way the whole scene played out in the frame. It is now one of my favorite pictures I have taken to date.

This waterfall is right across the street from my house. It looks like such a beautiful place to live doesnt it? Well the trouth of the matter is I had to climb under an overpass to get this shot. From the street you can only see this if you are walking on the bridge or playing gulf in the course to the left. Otherwise it is hidden from view.

It was so weird taking these shots. On the one hand they are beautiful in a world full of concrete and on the other hand it was kind of creepy under there... I kept looking over my shoulder thinking people were coming up behind me...

Besides some croping there are no photoshop alterations to these shots they are origional colors. As the sun went down the sky became pink and cast a pink hue on the water.

I have had such fun doing these shots. Its always fun to try something new. I cant describe how it feels to get the prints back and finally see how they turned out. But I really do need to switch to digital because this hobby gets rather expensive.

An Experiment in Photography

Today was the first time that I have attempted moving water shots with a slowed shutter speed. I have learned some valuable lessons in moving water photography. Namely that 20 and 30 second shutter speeds are too long, and the time of day is important. I am going to go back at sunset and try again. Wish me luck... Here are the results of my first attempt... I hope you enjoy.

Baby Mel's Wedding

Let me first start by saying how much I hate weddings.

There I said it!

I know it is not a popular statement but it is my trouth!

Having said that let me also say how much I love my family. Yes they can be crazy and taking the trip up north to spend time with them is often extreamly nerve wracking. ( Picture 40+ people crammed into a 3 bedroom bungalo.. With only one bathroom... Yep nerve wracking) But some of them are amazing people.

Take my uncle Ronny for example... This man would give anyone (yes anyone) the shirt right off his back if they needed it. This man gives and gives and gives and never askes for anything in return. He has saved me thousands of dollars in car repairs (as well as everyone else im my family who have had the misfortune of car troubles) He bought my grandparents home from them for two reasons. 1. So the house would always stay in our family and 2. To ensure my grandparents had enough money to live on month to month. He was my positive male rollmodel as a child. There is a big happy place for him in heaven when the time comes. Today was his middle child (and the one most like him) Mel's wedding. He was proud as a peacock to share in this event with her.

Shhh dont tell anyone I told you this but Mel is his favorite. Anywho, Mel fell in love with a young man named Mario and they desided to sign over ownership papers to eachother, and well there were moments in the whole event that even had me choked up. Primarily the moment that my uncle Ronny handed over his baby to this young man, I can just imagine how hard it was for him to "give her away", to give away his little girl. Yet he seemed so happy and proud.

Mel has always been very much her own person. She never thought twice about doing exactly what she wanted. If she wanted a mohawk she got a mohawk (we will leave out who it was that gave her that mohawk) the point is Mel is a unique person and this fact was evident at her reception too. IN true Mel form there was a nicly decorated package of M&M's for each guest in attendance. Along with bags upon bags of miscelanious decorations.

Standing for her in her wedding was her two sisters her two best friends, her nephue and my niece. Is there anything cuter than little kids dressed up in formal attire??

Meet Justin. Justin is the six year old son of my cousin Crystal and Mel's nephue. He stood for her as her ring berrer and did a fantastic job of it.

He was attentive and patient, he didnt squirm or fiddle and he was right on que for the whole ceremony. This kid is the most gentle carasmatic six year old I have ever met. And cute to boot!

Let me tell you a little something about my niece Emily. She is a princess. No really, just ask her! She will tell you when she grows up she is going to be a princess and there is no convincing her otherwise. She romantisizes everything. In her little mind and heart the world is a fairy tale and some handsome prince will be coming by shortly to whisp her off her feet. Having said that, the fact that she was the flower girl at Mel's wedding was like a day in her future kingdom. She is just 3 months older than Justin and she also did very well, although she did do periuettes in the aisle while the ownership papers were being signed. As far as Emily was concerned this was HER day! During dinner Justin asked his uncle David if Emily might want to dance with him after they finished eating so Shannon leaned into Emily's ear and said "what would you think if one of the boys wanted to dance with you?" To which Emily replied with a bright smile and gleam in her eye... "That would be perfect!"

All in all despite my feelings for weddings and their utter lack of necessity and cost and well you got the point with my numberous references to "ownership papers" the day was good. Everyone had a good time and everyone behaved.

The night after the wedding however is another story for another time!

Canada's Wonderland

A Canadian right of passage for all kids living in Ontario, is a summer of endless rides at Canada's wonderland thanks to their ever popular seasons passes. I remember the year my sister and I got seasons passes and litterally wasted the entire summer away on rollercoasters. Braving the stand up multiple times in one visit. Days upon days standing in line ups for over an hour at a time surrounded by teenagers who took the opportunity of a place sans parents to make out while waiting to get on the rides. Followed by 45 seconds of a thrill and on to the next.

After almost a decade Shannon and I desided on a whim to go to wonderalnd and take in some rollercoaster fun. We hopped in the car and drove for what seemed to be mere minutes and arrived at the gate.. (why do I remember it taking so long to get there when I was younger??)

Canada's Wonderland has gone corporate! Holy Moley, The place hardly looks as it did in my youth. There is a dairy Queen on every corner and well you know Coke has to get in on it too.. you can visit the Coke Oasis where you get sprayed with a fine cold mist while you make your Coke purchases... Frakly I think this is Cokes way of keeping you "cool" while you are depositing your $4 for the pleasure of enjoying their cool beverages!

On to the rollercoasters....

The bat is one of my favorites from my younger days. /this rollercoaster brings you up 80- 100 ft and drops you through two upside wown twists and a loop before catching the cars on the other side and releasing you backwards through it all again. its a really wild ride! I was more than surprised to see kids as young as 7 braving this ride as I did not work up the courage until I was a teenager.

Next is the Fire Fly... A classic ride. This is most Canadian kids first Loop to Loop rollercoaster. It is quick and fun but hold your head back tight against the headrest or you are sure to go home with a bit of a headache.

If you ever have the nopportunity to visit Canadas wonderland you have to wait in the line up for the Top Gun. Trust me It is well worth the wait! The Top gun is a wild ride, you are suspended from the track above your head with your feet dangling below you. When you go over the loops all you see are your feet and sky. This ride has stolen the thunder from the Bat for me. The bat will forever have a place in my heart but my new favorite is Top Gun.

If you are coming by remember to bring a lunch and keep it in the car you can exit the park and return after you have eaten. The food available in the park is gross to be polite and will cost you enough to put a serious dent in your wallet. Other than that Wonderland is amazing it offers both an amusement park and a waterpark in one and I will guarantee you will have an amazing fun filled day!

Tale of a pound pup

Meet Marley. After 7 wonderful years with our Chinese Crested Hairless dog Scoop we desided it was time to get another dog. We had to put Scoop down because he had gone blind and developed a respratory illness. That was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. But it was all in an attempt to stop our poor little puppys suffering. After the deed was done I proclaimed that I never wanted a dog again. I never wanted to have to do that again! But it wasn't long before I started to crave the company of a lovable pooch. So after many discussions Shannon and I desided we would check out the Humaine society. Before heading out I checked out their website and there was a story of this little black pomeranian pup who was ready for a good home and i fell in love he was so cute. In true Humaine sociey form when we arrived it turns out that pup was not ready to leave and we would have to find another dog.... So we walked around for a while and Shannon fell in love with this little guy with a bandana around his neck. So we filled out the paperwork and were told to come back on monday because he was a stray and they wanted to give the oeners a few more days to claim him. Shannon was depressed and disapointed. I desided to go back the next day to see if he was still there and sure enough he was gone.

So started the search again. I must have walked around that humaine society for a good hour looking at all the dogs and determined to find the right dog. I wanted to come home with a nice dog for Shannon and one that would fit well into our lifestyle. That is when I came across "No Name" no name was in a cage with unfinished paperwork. He was a stray with no birthdate, name, breed etc.. but he was so cute. When I kneeled down beside his cage he stuck his nose between the bars and licked my hand then he was so happy to see me his tail was wagging so much he was making music on the bars on either side of the cage. I HAD to have him. So I enquired. I have to mention that the day before we delt with this weird guy who gave us nothing but the run around. Guess who I got to deal with again? I took weirdo over to no names cage and said this is the dog I want. Weirdo began giving me all the reasons he thought I could not have this dog and went to talk to someone named Will. Finally after some further run around I left weirdo where he stood and walked directly over to Will. Will seemed to be the only one with answers. He walked with me over to No Name's cage and we began to talk. Will also started telling me that he had only been in the humaine society for a few days etc etc... So I changed the subject to discuss why I thought No Name would be perfect for my family. We are campers and hikers we are always out in nature and this dog would be perfect. After more discussion like this Will seemed to have warmed up to me, saying I seemed like a good candidate for No Name, however because he was a puppy they needed more than one application and had to pick the best candidate. He took my paperwork and once again sent me home empty handed but this time told me to sit by the phone because I MAY (Wink) get a phone call by the end of the day. So off I went back home empty handed. I told Shannon all about little No Name what he looked like, that he licked me through the cage etc... Then it happened the phone rang and it was Will! He said come pick up your dog! OMG We got him! Shannon and I sprinted to the car and I could not drive fast enough for Shannon. When we got there I showed Shannon where our dog was and went over to find Will to complete the adoption process. shannon was in love! She wouldnt leave No Names side.

As I was filling out the rest of the paperwork a young family was trying to get No Name ans Shannon told them he had been adopted, they were not impressed! Will left me and went to get our dog. As we were sitting at the table with our new dog the above mentioned family passed and the dad yelled out to his kids "say goodbye to your dog kids... " How rude. I had payed the adoption fee and driven back and forth 3 times. He was our dog!

No Name is now Marley, and he is a great dog! He is fun and loving, he is great with kids and for a puppy surprisingly patient. He is part black lab and part pointer hound which poses a problem when we take him off his leash because the hound in him likes to follow his nose. But we are working on that. He loves to camp and had a great time hiking. It is nice to come home each day to a wagging tail and licks. There is nothing in the world like the love a dog gives you. And Marley is the perfect match for us.

Scratch That!

Last nights plan to go to the baseball game was scrapped last minute for a spur of the moment desire to share a nice quiet dinner together and retire home with a nice bottle of wine. We desided that fighting traffic for over an hour then scrambling to find parking and a place close to the dome to eat sounded just way to stressful... So we went to Montana's Cookhouse for Strawberry Daquiries and ribs.

We started with these things.. I cant remember what they are called but they are very good with a little bit of a kick. We shared these and some good conversation until our meal arrived. It is nice to get out every now and then just the two of us. To have a meal without a dogs nose in your face begging, or the telephone ringing, or distractions like TV. For two adults to just sit and talk over dinner was really nice.

The Ribs at Montana's are excellent! And filling. Wow, I nearly had to roll out of there I was so full. I am a picky rib eater If they are tough I wont eat them but these ones were just right, they were tender and they had a nice sauce on them.. Yummm..

We spent most of the evening talking about a little girl we met on the weekend. This child is in a bad place. You know it is one of those situations that make you feel so helpless. She was abandoned by her birth parents and left to be raised by her maternal grandmother and aunt. The grandmother has since passed on and she is now the sole responsibility of her aunt. The concern with this is that her aunt is a fall down, black out drunk. She starts first thing in the morning and continues straight through the day and into the night. Unfortunately we were witness to this behaviour on the weekend. The little girl is 12 years old and well aware of the ways most people behave, she is extreamly reserved and was quite obviously embarrased by her caregivers behaviour. She barely spoke the whole day except to contradict some of the things her aunt was talking about. This young girl was behind in her cognative development and we fear has seen just too much of the nastiness that is possible on this earth. It was a cold night and we were all huddled around a campfire . At one point in the evening this little girl offered to let someone in the group borrow her blanket saying she was warm. The aunt freaked out! I mean freaked out. yelling at the kid. Saying that her mother had given her that blanket and that she had given it to the little girl and she was not to be giving it away. Woa hold your horses there drunkie! The kid was mearly offering to SHARE it. She was not giving it away. Amazing how a case of beer will cloud your perseption. Anywho, what are we to do?? We dont know where they live or what their full names are and they are gone back to NB. We would like nothing more than to see this child being raised by someone responsible and caring but it seems out of our hands. Hmmm...

At the end of the night drunkie got up and desided that she was pickled enough so it was time for her to hit the hay. As she was making her rounds of hugs and kisses (for people she had just met that evening) she stopped at our friends mother ( a nice quiet Cathlic lady in her late 50's) and gave her what I thought was a little too long of a hug for someone she didnt know. When our friends mother sat down she looked horrified, and leaned over to me saying "get her the fuck out of here!!" When I had her ushered off the property and headed towards her bed I returned and asked what happened... Apparently drunkie started wispering something in mothers ear then bit her ear... LMFAO.. That was it I cracked up. Who bites a strange older womans ear??? The look that went with the story was pricelss. I havent laughed so hard in ages. Poor Momma!

Fun and Games

Tonight for the first time in my almost young life I am going to a baseball game. Well at least my first professional baseball game. Funny for a girl who played baseball for years and years. The players strike happened right around the time I was old enough to go to the games (without parents) and I lost interest while they were striking. To be completely honest I still am not that interested, I got free tickets from work and thought... Well they are free and it gives me something to do Tuesday evening besides watching tv or playing on the computer, so why the hell not?
So this is the plan so far... I get off work at 4 the game is at 7 so I will go home and change then Shannon and I will be heading downtown.. We havent desided yet if we will drive (lots of traffic) or take the TTC... When we get there we are going to go to dinner somewhere close the the dome. Then grab a cold beer and hit the stands. The seats are not that bad so we sould be able to see well. Toronto is playing Oakland.. Hmmm who to cheer for??? Seeing as I am not a fan of either team I guess I can cheer for whomever is winning...LOL.. Some Toronto fans would have my head for that one, but really does it really matter who wins?? I mean do I have to cheer for Toronto because that is the city I live in?? I prefer the Yankies to be honest.. Well heres to hoping that the evening is worth the trip downtown.. Pray for a good game! Whoever wins!

Vacation Picutres and comentary

Above is the trail map of the Highlands Backpacking trail in Algonquin park, Ontario. It begins on the highway 60 coridor, where you park your car and begin the trek into the woods. On this trail you have the option to do the 2 day first loop or the 3 day second loop. We chose the 3 day second loop that takes you around both loops.

This photo is not one that i took however if I had brought my camera I would have taken one similar at this point on the trail. There were more than a few places on the trail I wished i would have brought my camera instead of the disposables we chose to bring, however my camera would have added just enough weight to my already too heavy pack to make me collapse.

The above picture I named optimism, due to the fact that this beautiful scene was located a little over a km into the trail, we were fresh, we had only had one good incline to climb and we had not yet reolized how dang heavy our packs were yet. At this point on the trail we were feeling good, we still smelled half descent and we were thrilled to come across such beauty so soon in our hike. We tied the dog to a tree and retreated to the water for a dip and stop for some trail mix. Nievely thinking we had this little piece of paradise all to ourselves. Which we did for about 7 minutes before two families with their dogs and bikes showed up to join in. Needless to say we desided to leave this spot and continue on our hike into the QUIET wilderness.

The rest of the first day proved more dificult a hike than we had antisipated. It didnt take long for our shoulders and backs to start bitching about how heavy our packs were. There were more and more inclines as the day went. I spent the latter part of the days hike considering throwing half of our supplies into the bush. We each drank 3 leters of water that day and neither had to stop at any point along the way or at the camp site to relieve our bladders. This is how much fluid we were perspiring during the days hike. The above image is the view of the lake that we had from the tip of the paninsula that we were camped on for the night. The Site is on Faya Lake and is the first available campsite on the second loop. It is stunning, the site is a few minutes walk from the main trail and at least 4 km from any other campsite. The lake is all yours. There is no boat traffic or foot traffic, we were free to parade around in our birthday suits for the evening. Which was refreshing considering how hot and sweaty we were by the time we got there.

One problem with Faya Lake is finding a place to put your tent. Our little hiking pup tent depends entirely on your ability to peg it out! the whole structure is held up by a few ropes that require you peg them out to support the tent. Faya Lakes camp site is almost entirely Canadian Shield. I had to retreat the tent to the top of the hill and put it as close to the bush as possible to get the pegs in the ground, even then they didnt go in the whole way. Never the less it was a beautiful camp site which we throughly enjoyed!

The second day of hiking was a little bit easier. There were not quite as many inclines however the distance we had to travel was further than day 1. Our second stop was at Harness Lake, again we were tired and sweaty when we arived here as well. Harness lake is also very beautiful but does not offer the same kind of privacy as Faya Lake. Harness lake is home to quite a few camp sites both hiking and canoeing sites. I do have to comment on how respectful everyone was though, for the most part the surrounding campers were quiet and possibly just as tired as we were.

I have to comment on how rewarding it is to finish a 12km hike and retire to a lake front paradise to listen to loons calling, waves crashing and wind blowing the leaves on the trees. ( I will omit the sound of my dog barking at every little noise that did come out of the woods, He is a good dog.. Protecting his mommy's from the threat of bears coming to snack on their limbs)

Turn your head to the right... a little more.. does the picture look like it is standing in the right direction? Ya? Good I like this picture but forgot to rotate it before I posted it so its a little challenge for you to see it in its true beauty. This is one of those shots that Algonquin park is famous for. It is an early morning shot with the fog just lifting off the surface of the lake, the wather has yet to be disturbed by canoes and swimmers. It is still as glass and reflecting the sky and trees beautifully and right where the shadows cross the trees is that moring mist that makes waking up at the crack of dawn for a pee worth the trip out of the tent. This is the one place I dont mind waking up early, Algonquin has a different type of beauty for every time of the day, every season and every weather condition.

This is still on Harness Lake in the morning the people on the other side of the lake (right in the bunch of trees to the right of the screen.. See them? Nope well they are there trust me) were getting ready to put their canoe back in the water I needed to get one last shot of the still water before any human form could make an impact on it. This lake was also the last semi descent tasting water we had to drink for the rest of the trip. Every other water fill up on our journey will consist of bog water, which is safe if you boil it (we used water purification tabs) but doesnt mean it tases good. Bog water is heavy and tastes a little musty. (Thank god for tang!)

LOOK OUT! This is a nice little look out.. I was cussing this pretty place the whole way up the hill! (me) "What the hell do people need with these stupid lookouts anyway??""CLIMB up, look around... OHHHH... climb down.. Stupid" Until you get to the top and you are struck by the beautiy in each lookout. Every single one is different, some show you lakes or rivers or simply hills upon hills of trees. Wonderful breesy place to put down your way to heavy backpack and have a break.

The above image is another shot of the morning mist on the lakes in the park. Unfortunately I dropped the camera in a pot of water on the second night which spoiled a few of the shots. This is my explination for why hald is green and the other half looks like.. well water damaged. But you get the point.

Overall I loved the trip. I liked the physical exertion (although at times I just wanted to hang up the pack and be helecopterd off the trail) I loved the secluded sites on the trail, I loved the trees and water and sunshine. I loved the company of my partner and puppy. It is not often that you get to have a few days alone with the one you love, no phones, no work, no computer nothing to distract you. What I love about my relationship with Shannon is that no matter what happens, even if we bitch at eachother the whole day on the trail, even if we are tired and smell worse then a man after playing 3 games of hockey, even if we are hungry and cranky at the end of the day we love eachother and can both sit back by the campfire and have some freeze dryed curry chicken and marvel in the beauty of the days hike and the nice place we are fortunate enough to lay our heads for the day. (okay you can breath now, after my loooong ass run on scentance)

Finally I have a message for all you skinny, fit athletic types that frequent these trails. I hate you! I hate that you can bound up a 1500 foot incline like they are a stroll in the park. ( I know they kind of are) Those that are able to finish this hike in two days and still look and smell pretty fresh. Just joking. I stirve to be able to do just that. I would like for ALL those hills to bearly cause my breathing to change, to not have to stop half way up to get my heart back to an acceptable rythem. To be able to complete the hike without the type of physical effort it takes a larger person to complete it. One thing I will say though it that I am proud. I am proud of me. I am far from fit. In fact in the past 10 years I have allowed myself to gain a lot of weight and am not nearly as active as I once was. But I made the decision to take on this challenge and although there were times that it was difficult I perservered. I completed the hike. And I plan to do it all again. So there!